Alone In The Vast
by urisarang
Summary: Superman Returns Fanfiction. Richard POV. Richard muses on his broken home, his lying wife and bleak future...but one thing still manages to give him hope. Angsty but sweet.


Disclaimer: Don't own or claim to own Superman or anything relating to that universe, nor do I make any profit off of this story.

Another one written ageeees ago for a November 2006 challenge over at SR_Slash on LJ...Angsty but sweet.

"Working late again?" Jimmy nudges reality back into Richard, interrupting his hour marathon of wall staring. Blinking slowing away his absolutely riveting inner debate of the exact color and brand of paint on the wall opposite his desk Richard turns to give Jimmy the 'Wha…?' look to which Jimmy chuckles fully expecting it. "Earth to Richard, you have been giving that poor and completely innocent wall the look of doom for the last while. What's eating at ya?" Jimmy asks good naturedly with a smile.

Looking up at the redheaded photographer Richard feels a slight amount of relief. 'That's Jimmy for you, always looking out for his fellow man, even though you are the office joke (well him and the bumbling Clark). You don't deserve the ridicule my uncle puts your through, heck you deserve a raise if for no other reason that you help keep the peace around this disaster area filled with people ready to explode and hurt those around them. How many times have you offered me a drink when I needed it desperately, or taken me to lunch so I wouldn't have to spend time with Lois when she gets into one of her moods? I know you have rescued Clark numerous times from illegally awkward moments (heh, although no one can stop the awkwardness that is Clark Kent all the time), I hope you know that at least I appreciate you and your efforts.' "Hi Jimmy, how are you?" Richard asks after a moment to collect his thoughts he had previously lost.

Jimmy shrugs, "I'm doin' pretty good even though your uncle is shortening my deadline for the school yard story." Jimmy makes a comical face depicting his anguish at his most 'enjoyable' deadline.

Richard leans back a bit stretching out cramped muscles in his back from the awkward position he had been sitting in for the past hour. "Well you know he really likes you actually, the more he rides you the more he respects you and the fact that you can handle it. Take it as a complement." Richard says with a joking smile.

Jimmy rolls his eyes dramatically, "Ha ha, like the old man would even admit to it though." Jimmy slips into his Perry impersonation voice, "Come over here Jimmy, I want you to know how much the Daily Planet needs you, how much I need you and your ground breaking work! Please Jimmy..." Jimmy is cut off by the voice he had been impersonating.

"Yes Please do continue Jimmy, I'd love to hear the rest. Oh not in the mood anymore, that is okay, if that is how you feel Jimmy, then you should have no problem getting those pictures taken and on my desk in the morning- tomorrow morning." Perry orders the now pale faced Jimmy in a mocking tone. Jimmy splutters a few times in attempt to reply, Perry just taps his watch, "Better get to it boy you have roughly 8 hours to do your job or I'll have you thrown out on the streets!" A feral grin crosses Perry's face at the stricken look that comes over Jimmy before he runs out deftly jumping chairs like hurtles on his way to the elevator.

Watching the young redhead make for it as though his life depends upon it Richard turns back to his uncle. "That was down right cruel uncle, Jimmy is a good kid, there's no reason to treat him that badly." Richard attempts to berate his uncle, but that task is impossible, not even the would-be-overlord Zod could get his uncle to budge an inch. Sometimes he wishes his uncle weren't so…damn stubborn, but then again he wouldn't be his uncle if he didn't have a backbone to rival that of the Man of Steel's.

Perry chuckles, "Oh it's good for the boy, if I work him hard now maybe, just maybe he'll turn out to be a decent man not afraid of a little hard work. Speaking of work, why are you still here? You handed in your papers hours ago, don't tell me you're avoiding Lois again?" Perry inquires knowing that his nephew has been having marital problems. 'Who wouldn't have problems being engaged to the most tenacious report this side of anywhere?'

Richard shrugs, "Yeah yeah, well you know how it is with Lois." Richard answers vaguely, not wishing to delve that pit of marital horrors with his uncle. 'Kind of hard to have a marriage based on a lie, a lie she still hasn't the backbone to own up to.' Richard thinks in anger, but doesn't voice it. "Its getting late I should probably be getting home." 'To what? What is there to come home to? A cheating wife who lies about loving you, doesn't respect you enough to tell the truth?' Bitter thoughts boil beneath the surface, but he sighs out a breath in attempt to get rid of such thoughts.

Perry looks down at his nephew with regret, sad to see his beloved nephew in pain he can do nothing to help with. Richard stands up meeting his uncle's gaze evenly, daring him to try and take pity, Perry grins glad to see that Richard hasn't lost the family spirit yet. "You do that, say hello to my favorite miniature reporter for me." Perry claps his nephew on the shoulder.

"Of course, although it will have to be sometime in the morning as he should be in bed by now" 'That is if his perpetually distracted mother managed to remember she even has a son.' A small smile creeps its way through the depression to tug at the corner of Richard's lips at the thought of his son Jason. 'Jason, my Jason, you are the whole reason I even come home anymore.' Richard claps his uncle's shoulder in return and turns around to watch Jimmy run back into the large room making for his desk. Ignoring the stares of the Whites he reaches over grabbing his forgotten camera and then jets back out of the building. Both Whites chuckle at the young redhead's antics.

Entering his quiet home Richard slips off his overcoat and shoes in the foyer then moves deeper into his home. The house is dark, the occupants long to bed and to restful sleep. Moving through the once warm and welcoming home Richard feels out of place and awkward knowing that it's a broken home. Not appearing broken on the outside, but the insides are rotting and falling apart, only held together by the will to ignore their problems. The happy family portraits stare out at him, mocking, daring him to believe the lie they tell of a happy family. Looking at the eyes in the pictures now he can see the distance in Lois's eyes, even then she looks distanced, mind on a far away man. She was waiting, 'and lying...' His own eyes show but a hint of the dark shadow that looms over their family, the lies that lie in his own eyes as he has told him self over and over again to believe, to hold out. 'Maybe today she'll forget him and look only at me.' His eyes beg the camera. Only his beautiful son's eyes are left untainted with the darker emotions, but how long will they remain that way?

Unable to bare the mocking smiles of his family Richard turns away in time to see a flash of blue and red out the window. 'How many times before had I seen that and dismissed it? How many times have I been blind to it?' Richard wonders as he stares out into the night sky. 'I was blind, I didn't want to see it, I didn't want it to be true….I wanted to believe all your lies.' The flash of anger and jealously at seeing his rival is submerged in the rising wave of overwhelming depression, drowning out all other emotions. Turning from the window showing a deceptively calm sky Richard faces his dark home and heads for the stairs that will led him to the one thing still worth trying for.

Footsteps heavy on the wooden stairs, the man makes his slow climb up the stairs climbed so many times before. The sound of his footfalls breaks into the dark silence and echo quietly around the hallways and rooms, although it is unheard. His eyes watch his legs make the slow climb transfixed at their ability to move when all he wants is to lie down. Those eyes slowly pull up to look across the hallway to see light spilling out of his bedroom…'No her bedroom, hers alone now, not mine. I can never sleep there again…knowing…' The light disappears, 'Noticed I'm home have you? How long are you willing to sneak around and lie to me? How long before you stop and think about me?' His thoughts craving and calling out to be noticed and read. 'Don't you know what this little dance around the truth has done to hurt me? I've been waiting this whole time for you…Just like you have been waiting for him. What can I compare to him? He is walking (and flying) perfection, but why can't you just be honest with me? I love you dearly, but did you ever love me back?'

Ignoring the creeping pain in his overworked heart Richard turns towards his son's room and opens the door in silence. Eyes sweep the room filled with toy figurines of heroes, both real and imagined, stuck in heroic poses all about in a sort of ordered chaos. Little Jason has been collecting more and more heroes under his banner of justice, his son has quite the obsession for legendary heroes so it comes as no surprise that Superman's iconic image appears more than others throughout his little boy's room. It hurts to see him, winning everyone's affection and attention, including his own son's. Richard is not the kind of man to spite the Man of Steel, no one on this planet is more deserving than that man who even saved his family, but it digs deep that his family is being torn apart by that same man. 'I can't fault him, Superman, but I can't help but wish...I don't know, I guess you aren't at fault for any of this, we foolish mortals are.'

Eyes drag across the room to look upon the rumbled form in the Spiderman bed sheets in the little shape of his son. Walking over to the bed Richard can see that Jason is sound asleep, tiny fists clutching into his Hulk pillow pulling the fabric and wrinkling it. The wrinkles go across the Hulk's face distorting the hero's face. Kneeling down next to his son's bed Richard reaches out and brushes back a stubborn curly lock of hair from his son's peaceful face. Staring down at his son, Richard can feel much of the hurt and pain wash away, feeling moved the father slowly hums out a tune to the sleeping form below him. Words begin to flow out without even realizing it in a half whisper to his beloved son.

"Close your eyes now," Richard's hand brushes Jason's eyes ever so gently without stirring the boy. "Let me touch you now, Let me give you something that is real…" Richard's hand shakes slightly as it brushes a pale cheek. "Close the door, Leave your fears behind, Let me give you what you're giving me…" 'You give me hope, and love, I love you Jason' Richard wraps his arms around his son's sleeping form and hums lightly with his son's head under his chin. Rocking slightly with his precious armload, emotion wells up almost spilling over from within and making his voice creak slightly when he picks the tune back up.

"You…are the only thing, that makes me want to live at all…Oh when I am with you there is no reason to pretend…." Richard's rich baritone creaks and tips over with bottled emotion spilling around and shattering his voice like so many broken dreams. Tears streak down his unshaven face to drip upon his son's auburn hair, staining it a darker shade. Coughing and fighting down the cries that demand to be released Richard sings the final chorus in a broken whisper filled with emotion; the love for his son.

"You…are the only thing that makes me want to live at all…Oh when I am with you there is no reason to pretend…I would never ever leave you" Jason stirs within his father's embrace blinking slowly up in confusion to see his daddy's eyes dropping down rivulets of tears, while his face is smiling with so much happiness. Richard leans down and kisses his son's head lightly with a smile that shows the world his love for his son still upon his lips.

"'So okay daddy, m' not gonna go anywheres. Don't cry daddy." Jason tells his daddy and the smile on Richard's lips explodes into a full out grin in pure joy. Richard shakes his head with a little laugh, squeezing Jason into him.

"No silly, daddy's crying because he is so happy, and that he loves you so much! Daddy is never ever going to leave you." Richard ruffles the hair on his son's head affectionately; glad to feel loved by the most important person in the world to him. "Hey want to stay up with daddy tonight? Don't worry I won't tell mommy." Jason's eyes light up at the prospect of staying up late with his dad.

"Okay daddy! Can we watch my new Superman movie? Pleeease?" Jason begs his father, who shrugs slightly in assent. 'You may be my son's hero, but I'm his father, nothing can take that away.' Not even the mention of his romantic rival can dampen Richard's joy of holding his son.

"Anything you want champ, anything at all." Richard scoops Jason onto his shoulders and mock flies him up out of his room and down the stairs to the living room with quiet giggles trailing behind. 'You are going to grow up quite the hero and I wouldn't have it any other way.'

_

Vast - Flames  
Didn't put the whole song as it is more of a romantic song, but I thought this fit... 


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